i bought a bear today. nothing much to talk about i just feel strangely happy today

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well i guess this is becoming a habit of mine, i guess i'm sorry that i have not been blogging much though i do not feel the need to apologize. Nothing much has changed, basically i just don't feel like blogging. I always thought that blogging would be swift and easy, maybe it is for others but i seem to be having trouble. Truthfully i am only blogging right now because my mum told me off for playing games and not doing anything productive. 

here's a list of things that i did in quick succession-

-eat

-sleep

-went to school camp

-played games

-school routine 

fullstop. Tell me if you want to read about what happens everyday because i feel that nobody would want to read about my dull daily life. 

tell me if i should put more pictures.

I was wondering, when you guys read my blog do u find it depressing? because i don't want to send out the wrong vibe about me being depressed. I'm not on top of the world but i'm also not on the brink of killing myself, and i would like to think that other people have the same confusion of where we stand in the world/universe. I can put it out there that i am not the best at PD/H/PE but the thing that always stayed on my mind was the question "where do i stand in my life?". You may say that you are on the top, average or bottom, but sometimes when you look at things in more depth it kind of gets complicated. When i ask myself this question just think, oh dam, do i even have a place in the world- is there anybody out there that is dependent on me? well i'm getting sidetracked but ultimately my answer to that question would be- i don't know. well this was a pointless post but if you want to discuss anything (ANYTHING) at all just leave a comment or email me.

Sooooo havn't been blogging alot. I cant seem to be able to get the inspiration to write anything meaningful. I want this blog to be meaningful and not about my day, my day sucks by the way, even if nobody would need to know about somebody else's day ( you can find that on so many other peoples blogs). Now that i don't have anything to rant, blog, post about i'm just gonna say how world events have affected me. The massacre in Norway was a shock, i'm christian but i wonder about my religion ( i might be agnostic), but what made me pretty angry is the fact that the man behind the massacres said that the killing of 93 innocent people would help the country of Europe and christianity. Its just so bad how so many innocent were killed. now all i can do is put sad faces. :( ;(

Amy Winehouse also died the other day and i seriously felt sorry for her, but more importantly i strongly dislike (hate is too harsh) all two faced people. Before she died she was known for her drug use and voice. So many people wanted her dead because they thought she was a bad role model and citizen but the day after her death everybody mourned for her. they only care when you die. (don"t commit suicide)

That makes me think of another thing, Suicide, in no way am i joking but i have had alot of suicidal thoughts. Sometimes i become depressed in result of the actions and consequences of things around me, i actually imagine what would happen if i died. I'm not gonna kill myself DW. But everytime i have suicidal thoughts my mind starts to hurt, i think if i did die what would happen to me after? would i go into heaven? would i just stay in the ground? rot in hell? Maybe become reincarnated? and nothing! I have a christian friend that told me  that i only have one life to live. He told me that if he were to die, he would rather die a christian then an atheist because he would rather die being told that he was wrong and not go to heaven because he wasn't a christian. I'm surprised that i can write about this because it just entangles with everything in my head.

He also pointed out to me that youth i.e teenagers, don't take death seriously. We think that we are invincible and to me it is only when we are in a near death experience then we will no how much our lives cost and how we can only spend it one way.
End, cross out what i said before about me not being able to blog

so i want this blog to be pretty honest. Well the other day i was seriously thinking "man my display picture is kinda getting old and i need to take a new picture". After dwelling on that idea momentarily i started to think, what if nobody likes it, what if there is a flaw, an imperfection. i then thought hey why am i like this, i'm never normally like this and i didn't ever notice i was like this. So why should i care about what other people think about me? why is it that the worst aspect of my personality is that it depends on the thoughts of others. So from now on i wanted to find out what the worst parts of my personality is and actually fix it for the benefits of not only others but myself. And as i said before if there is any way to contact me in blogspot please do and tell me what you think and what is the worst part of your personality.